Zukunft? Unf!

Folks, I have a strange hobby I picked up a few weeks ago. I've been burning hours upon hours in my bedroom with an app on my phone called Duolingo, a foreign language instructor. I've been teaching myself German, which I guess is just part of my master plan to leave college and go live in the Rhineland, but everyone I know seems a little bit disturbed by the strange words coming out of my phone. I just can't be the normal guy.

Now, some of these phrases on Duolingo that I translate are rather peculiar or out of the blue. I've seen phrases in German with meanings such as "the vegetarian does not like me" or "I am playing with both the cups," which I guess has limited context... somewhere. One phrase I came across this morning however is especially prophetic to me.

"Wir haben eine Zukunft!"

Or, we have a future. Like yesterday's post, this really fits the current events of most of my peers, especially this year's graduating class. Holy shit, the past is gone, we have a future! There's so much we can do! No ceiling! There's... still shit to worry about.

Now, I have no right to say that I can be the voice of all the doubts that this year's graduates have, and I'm not going to pretend. But I've spoken about the future before, and I think I can voice general adolescent struggles. And I'm pretty damn certain that I can speak for myself.

We fear the future. It's full of problems we don't foresee and (GASP!) change! It's hard to break our routines we have now, and we aren't all prepared to make new ones in the future. These are all universal fears of the future, and they always seem to be a counterpart to a good thing we imagine in the future. Damn parasites.


Yeah, I could keep moaning about all this. But, frankly, I've already bitched enough about how much my future isn't going to be all rainbows and glitterfarts.

I'm convinced now that the real reason we panic so damn much about the future is that we still have unfinished business in the present before we can move on. Hard to believe, I know, since the present seems to be the popular kid that everyone likes among all the other verb tenses (I mean, he's just too perfect sometimes).  But isn't there something you feel like you can't move past?

(Rhetorical question time)

Have you not gotten opportunities to pursue your passions or do new things that stand out from the rest? Got something about yourself that you rather wish you could alter but can't commit yourself to it? Have friendships gone cold? Oh, and don't get me started on separation anxiety?

(End rhetorical question time)

Those are all present issues. And if something don't get finished in the present, it's an easy reflex to worry it ain't gonna get done in the future. It's a fear that hits us bluntly in large masses when we least expect it. It's something that fogs our minds too much to fathom solutions. Really, it just sucks major balls.

After witnessing graduation yesterday, my mind was clear for a while, but I got hit by these worries pretty hard when I was sitting alone in my castle of solidarity (a nonsensical phrase that means "my bedroom" in this context). So many people I ain't gonna be seeing as much in the future, regretting all the things I didn't do, worries about all the buried relationships I have, pressure about future tasks, all that jazz, I'll save you the complaining. I've always been apprehensive about my relationships with other human beings, and I think that won't change.

So, I guess I got to offer some solution. I find that it's impossible to prevent pangs of paranoia, but the best thing you can do is find a way to air your grievances and let them slide by a bit, but I'm no counselor. I do believe, however, that it is inherently stupid to regret something you didn't do. It's like assuming that you're driving your waiter into poverty after you realize that you forgot to leave a tip.

The best thing to do is trust that shit's gonna work out and just let time carry you on. Don't pressure yourself to take action unless you have a clear head and feel like you can advance yourself. And believe me, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, or whatever universal being is present to you, can make shit work out.

In the meantime, take a few words from that other Holy Trinity that is Geddy, Alex, and Neil, about flying through life.

In the words of the obscure phrases on Duolingo:

Auf eure Zukunft!

Morgen Hays, signing off.

The Fault in Our Metaphors

Now, I like to be relevant in my writing, of course, but I also try to avoid cliche topics like the plague. But, I seldom have a choice, so I often end up having to bring up what everyone else won't shut up about. Blogging is hard, waaa waaa waaa, you get the idea. Moving on.

So, it's the end of the school year for most of us adolescents. And, that means summertime and ALL THE FUN FINALLY. Today, particularly, is a significant day at my school because the Class of 2014 turned their tassels on their weird rectangular hats and finally got to kiss school goodbye and... you get the idea. I had the GPA privilege of serving as a Junior Marshal at this graduation, and I could talk all day about the pride I have for this Class of 2014, which includes many good friends of mine.

But first, I feel that it is important to take a quick look back at the past year that transpired, as every other student is doing right now. It's quite a bit to take in, and I, myself, can hardly absorb all the events that transpired since August of 2013. For most people, a lot of the struggles become visible, but the high moments (mountaintop experiences, if you'll recall from a previous post) are just as prominent. Ups and downs, that's really the summary of it all, almost like a...


Like a...


Sine function, of course.


Oh, I'm sorry, I forget that trying to remind people of schoolwork is a crime punishable by social exile. So, a rather preferred item of comparison is the roller coaster. I mean, that goes up and down, changes speeds a lot and can appear unstable. Hell, even in the ubiquitous teen romance story The Fault in Our Stars, male protagonist declares that despite cancer partially Lieutenant Dan-ing him, he is "on a roller coaster, that only goes up, my friend."

Unfortunately, what our favorite one-legged hunk fails to realize is that roller coasters that only go up aren't really that great. They're called "escalators," and you can find them in most shopping malls, although they aren't always that entertaining.

Truly, the overall idea of analogizing life with a roller coaster is a flawed concept. I concede that it does make sense in a very... abbreviated sense. Phases of life and roller coasters both have literal high and low points, and if done right, the end results are pretty satisfying. However, I (and most others, hopefully) have never personally experienced depression as a result of being at the bottom of a drop of a roller coaster. Nor have I thankfully gone up the next hill and expected to be at the apex for a long time, only to drop again.

Am I petty and over-analytic? Maybe. Yes, probably. But as a roller coaster enthusiast, I might take some offense at such flippant regards towards those hailed vehicles of thrill. Nevertheless, I believe that portraying time as a strict up-and-down experience is an archaic trope, and I believe that an alternative should be pursued. One that represents an actually random sequence of struggle and triumph.

I, for one, think that this past year has been like a constant search for wi-fi. Let's face it, we all are personally affected by connectivity issues. Haven't you had days ruined by discovering that you couldn't connect to the internet in your local coffee shop? (Hopefully not). Isn't it always a reflex for you to begin scoping out wi-fi when you settle in a new location?

Maybe this analogy is a bit of a stretch, but I believe it is something that teens do relate to. We have times when we feel connected and in the zone, and there are times when we just can't seem to get back in the hotspot. Sometimes it's best to disconnect, to stop forcing the issue, and to recuperate. Sometimes, we'll have others to bail us out in times of difficulty (in this metaphor, that's 4G or 3G), but we don't always accept that help in fear that it will bring us more trouble and entanglement (again: this is a very rough metaphor). But, in the end, it works out well, and you reap the benefits of your joyful connectivity through the tweets of life and the YouTube videos of triumph! Huzzah!

So, let's think about our past (and present and future) as not a strict up-and-down progression, but as an ongoing effort that takes in a variety of factors. When you're making your Instagram pic collage with all your besties, or your Instagram photo in which you feign indifference in the photo but get serious in the caption, thank your friends and family (who you should already be thanking because they took so many damn photos with you) for supporting you not through your "roller coaster" year, but your "dammit-the-wi-fi-is-not-working-oh-never-mind-it-is-back-again-now-it's-gone-shit-oh-well" year. (Feel free to shorten that title).

But really, who needs the past. The future is long and bright, and there's room for all of you in it. So, I give my best regards to the Class of 2014, and I wish the best for all of my colleagues who walk with me. Truly, I have a lot of sentimental thoughts, but I lack the words.

So long may you run.
Mornin' Hays, signing off.